Back in April, Lucas wrote about the Halo Polecat being “one of the dumbest things in disc golf.” I don’t care if he’s my boss – he was dead wrong then, and he’s dead wrong now. Listen, by no means is the Polecat a godsend, but there are CLEARLY dumber things in our sport …
I’ll see your Polecat and raise you a “disc charger.”
And pump the brakes on your self-righteousness for a hot (pun intended) second: I don’t really think people who believe in disc chargers are going to hell – purgatory, yes, but hell? Eh …
Probably not.
Regardless of your views on the “weeping, moaning and gnashing of teeth” (queue Kanye), those things are annoying – disc chargers, I mean. In fact, I’d put the people who dot disc golf’s most impressive courses with ‘em right up there with peeps who abandon shopping carts in parking lots: Their time is far too precious; they simply don’t have 30 seconds to spare for decency …
They’ve probably got the President on speed dial, such is their widespread influence.
I feel the EXACT same way about the “artists” who draw disc chargers on courses.
If you’re in the dark on this one, a disc charger is a circle, usually with text along the lines of, “Charge disc here” written inside of it. The circle’s made from tracing an actual disc with a Sharpie. You find them on picnic tables, teepads and benches. The “belief” is that, before throwing, you place your disc inside of it to summon the spirit of Ed Headrick …
Or any other kind of mystical mumbo-jumbo.
The alleged result is a good throw.
Sweet, disc golf charger! pic.twitter.com/qH01Cd2
— OhmNomNom (@0hmNomNom) December 2, 2012
If you’ve never seen one, keep your eyes peeled – they’re everywhere.
Here’s why their creation is worthy of never-ending fire and brimstone:
- Sin No. 1 – Nature is beautiful in and of itself – it doesn’t need you to spice it up.
- Sin No. 2 – Disc chargers serve no purpose. They LITERALLY do nothing but suck.
- Sin No. 3 – They’re supposed to be funny, and they are – if you’re about five years old.
I’ve got beef with plenty of people within the disc golf community: Litterers, unleashed dogs, Mr. Five-Off-the-Tee, groups of 10-plus golfers and dudes blaring System of a Down at scenic, wooded courses on Saturday mornings are ALL driving me to an early grave, I’m certain …
None of them, however, compare to the creators of the Devil’s delight: the disc charger.
Put the pen away: Your salvation is at stake.
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