Dear disc golfer, thanks for carrying a disc retriever

I don’t carry much with me on the course. An abundance of seldom-used stuff makes me feel like a sleep-deprived mother of five at Disneyland. Every child needs (or wants) something. And with incessant tears and complaints the weapons of choice, they know exactly where to get it …

Mom.

In a word:

Chaos.

I know it’s horrifically selfish, but I don’t ever want to be the go-to guy within my local club at a tournament when a fellow disc golfer’s forgotten something: minis, snacks, Sharpies, Band-Aids, etc. If I’ve got it, and you’re in need, I’m happy to help. But don’t assume I’ve brought extra gear to accommodate your absent-mindedness, as I’ve got my own to account for …

Again, soccer moms.

I’m NOT one.

But boy, if ever there was a moment of hypocrisy, for me, it deals with bagging the following: the disc retriever. I know I should bring one; I refuse to bring one. It’s tall, oddly shaped, insanely expensive and everybody wants to use it. This includes yours truly, of course.

And it makes sense …

At an event, you lose your best discs – that’s why you’re tossing them in the first place. And unlike a casual round, you need your proven fliers. So while I might poke fun at “cart people” and the dude at league night with enough gear to summit Everest, when my beautifully beaten Star Destroyer’s stuck in a tree or lands 15 feet inside a bacteria-infested pond, the jokes stop.

Like, instantly.

And then THIS slips out of my mouth:

“Is it cool if I borrow your disc retriever?”

After popping this question, never in my disc golf career have I not immediately been helped. Making me feel even smaller, half the time, the disc-saving Samaritan retrieves it for me.

When the wayward disc in question is back in my hands, it’s like being reunited with a lost child (whoops) at the grocery store. Where there was once pain and panic is now relief – all is right in the world. This might sound silly, but if you seriously disc golf, you’ll know the feeling.

Do you bring a disc retriever with you for every round of disc golf? If so, I’m confident I speak for all the lazy, cheap, selfish or unduly minimalistic disc golfers in our sport when I say …

“Thank you.”

Not all heroes wear capes or don swords, shields and six-packs.

An extendible stick is all that’s needed.

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