Disc golf: 5 fun phrases for those bad at woods golf

As a disc golfer, I’m hot-and-cold in the woods. When I’m on, I’m mother-freaking James Conrad. But when my game’s even the tiniest bit off, six feet deep, I’ve got “Steady” Ed Headrick turning somersaults like a madman. It’s an ugly, cringe-worthy sight to behold.

My solution?

Coming back to the course and trying again another day seems to work. But when I’m caught in the thick of things, I like to employ the power of a few light-hearted words and phrases to help put a smile on my face, even if it’s only temporary. If you can relate, consider doing the same.

Enjoy.

1. ‘Taco’

Tree + Disc = Taco

If you thought the taco was merely a matter of tortillas, ground beef, refried beans, cheese and salsa, you’ve got it all wrong. Well, within the realm of disc golf, at least. Just as a soft or hard-shell taco has some nice curve to it, so, too, does a disc that’s smashed into a tree.

No, the curve’s not quite as extreme …

But it’s ugly.

Yeah it might be time to retire that disc… pic.twitter.com/XGqzBj9wLI

— Foundation Disc Golf (@FoundationDG) January 2, 2024

Baseline plastic might produce dreamy flight paths in a shorter amount of time, but all it takes is one of your gosh-awful shank-jobs to sideline that precious DX Roc of yours for time and all eternity. Should an untimely taco occur, simply smile, call it what it is and keep on tossing.

Rest in peace.

2. ‘Monkey’

This one’s fun.

Here’s the train of logic:

• Monkeys live in trees.
• Discs sometimes get stuck in trees.
• Once your disc gets stuck in a tree, it’s a “monkey.”

See how that works?

The biggest issue with the monkey moniker is that not nearly enough disc golfers have added it to their personal repertoires of disc golf terms. It’s brilliant, but until it goes mainstream, the game will be stuck with people freaking out about the two-meter rule in random tourneys.

3. ‘Iron leaf’

Classic.

I’m not sure which came first: the phrase or the YouTube video of Gregg Barsby imitating Ken “The Champ” Climo that popularized it. In the end, it doesn’t matter, because there’s no better way to describe the perfect golf shot that’s inexplicably murdered by a microscopic leaf.

For the laws of physics to (seemingly) be defied, it must’ve been forged in fire by the gods of disc golf as a way to get back at those who fail to acknowledge their all-powerful presence.

To help ease the pain of what could’ve been, follow in Barsby’s footsteps by not only calling out an iron leaf when you see one, but doing so in the raspy, nicotine-infused voice of Mr. Climo.

“Didn’t get up-and-down.”

4. ‘Lumberjack’

What do lumberjacks do? They cut down trees. What do bad disc golfers do? Without knowing it, they attempt to do the same with the tools of their trade. Then, later on, under the cover of darkness and in an anger-fueled rage, they actually DO cut down trees to make things easier.

Some of them, at least …

Yes, this happens – click here.

Flannel’s fine. Eating lots of pancakes is, too. But leave the literal cutting down of trees to the parks department, if you could. The “lumberjack” title needn’t be more than a silly nickname.

5. ‘Choppin’ broccoli’

When I was a child, my parents sold me on broccoli florets as “mini trees” to entice me to eat them. Why that would make them more enticing, I’m not sure, but I love broccoli, so it worked.

Well played, mom and dad.

Apparently, as an adult disc golfer, the inverse is also enticing: Trees are big broccoli florets. I devour these things on the regular. Only, instead of using a fork and my mouth, it’s a bad-form huck and a golf disc. If ever there was a moment for the Clash Discs Salt and Butter, it’s this.

Admit it: This is clever …

Use it.

* Honorable Mention: Taylor penned an entire piece on the phrase “course maintenance.”

Opinions will differ on this, but as I see it, the purest form of disc golf is woods golf. To learn to play consistently amongst the trees is the goal of the game. However, progress is a journey. Should you find your woods golf suffering, en route to brilliance, embrace the suck.

Words and phrases can help …

THESE words and phrases, to be exact.

Have fun.

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