Don’t expect lost discs to be returned (and why that’s okay)

I’m 32 years old. I’ve been playing disc golf since 2006. I have no way of knowing, but if you put a gun to my head, I’d guess I’ve lost somewhere in the ballpark of 50 discs in the last 16 years. That’s just over three discs a year, so yeah – that sounds (and feels) about right.

Of those 50-ish discs, care to guess how many have been returned to me?

TWO.

That’s right – two lousy frisbees.

One of ‘em was a beat-to-death “creamsicle” KC Pro Roc. The other was a max-weight I-Dye Champion Firebird. The first had become overly squirrely; the latter was too heavy for my weak forehand. So, I sold both to Play It Again Sports. Play It Again Sports subsequently sold them to two random guys who lost them without inking ‘em up – my information still was on the back …

And thus “The Parable of the Prodigal Plastic” comes to an end.

“Anal-retentive” is a word I’d use to describe myself. “Neurotic” is another good one. Somehow, however, miraculously, I’ve learned to not sweat lost discs – I really just don’t care. If you find yourself flipping shiz over missing discs, the sooner you can accept the following, the better …

People suck: They’re NOT coming back.

Upon reading that, should you find yourself scrambling for your inhaler, keep reading – the following three editorial tidbits should help you slow your breathing and regain composure:

1. You have backup discs – too many, in fact.

I don’t even know you, but I know you have backup discs for DAYZZZ …

Here’s what’s hysterical about disc golfers:

• They find a mold they like.
• They buy three or four backups for it.
• They lose one of their go-to discs out on the course.
• They immediately replace it in their bag with a backup disc.
• They then buy ANOTHER backup to replace the backup they’re now bagging.

Am I right or am I right?

Infinite Discs knows you better than your spouse, for crying out loud – you’ve been preparing for a lost disc for years. Now that it’s happened, cash in on all that “doomsday” groundwork.

2. You know the risks of slinging discs.

At its most basic level, one of the key pursuits of disc golf is to throw the thing you’re petrified of losing as far away from you as humanly possible. Heck, there are entire YouTube channels dedicated to it. So when you toss one into the woods, look for 30 minutes and can’t find it …

Can you REALLY be surprised?

You knew this could happen, yet – in the middle of a freaking forest  – you STILL threw the grass-green Z-Line Buzzz you bought after placing at your first tournament five years ago…

That’s on you.

Own it. Love it. Move on.

3. You might just grow the sport …

The very first disc I ever picked up didn’t come from Foundation Disc Golf, Disc Golf United or any other online retailer – I found it at Hunter Park in Tulsa while out on a walk with my dad.

It was an orange Champion Beast.

For the life of me, I can’t remember if it had a name and number on the back of it, but we picked it up and threw it around for an hour or so. Over 15 years later, disc golf now occupies a BIG part of not only my life, but my family’s life – this isn’t church or anything, but that’s pretty cool.

That orange Champion Beast was somebody else’s, and guess what? They didn’t get it back. I know, because I launched it into a pond, thinking I was Barry Schultz – his name was on it.

Pop a chill pill: Your lost Star Wraith could very well do the same for somebody else.

You only have so much emotional capital – invest it in something worthwhile: family, friends, faith, etc. Sorry, but lost toys don’t qualify. At the end of the day, they’re literally just …

Plastic.

Have anything to add? Take to Twitter to let us know – we’ll actually (for real) get back to you.

Editor’s Suggestions:

• Innova: What’s a ‘zipper-top’ disc?
• Review: The Lone Star Disc Armadillo
• Disc golf: How elevation affects the flight of a disc

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