5 foods Clash Discs should use for future frisbee names

I can’t stand the way Clash Discs names their golf frisbees. My fear is the manufacturer feels they’re being “clever” by doing something nobody else is doing. But could it be that nobody else is doing it, because food-themed branding isn’t that good of an idea? I didn’t study marketing in college, but between that and bodily fluids, it’s a toss-up as to which works better for disc golf.

What’s done is done.

Today, I’m getting in on the action …

Eat (pun) your heart out, North Karelia.

1. ‘Beef’

This is obvious.

It just so happens that one of the best, most used terms to describe ungodly levels of overstability in disc golf is a food eaten in each of the world’s four corners – beef. If I’m a higher-up at Clash Discs, I’m dropping a Tilt clone, naming it “Beef” and watching the money hit my bank account.

You’re welcome.

2. ‘Swiss Roll’

“Cinnamon Roll” is the more natural option.

The problem?

Clash Discs already has a “Cinnamon” in their lineup – it’s an easy-to-throw control driver. As I see it, acting as either a midrange or fairway driver, the “Swiss Roll” would also be easy to throw. So easy to throw, in fact, it’d rival the Innova Rollo in the way of flippiness.

Get it?

Roll = Roller

Further solidifying the usefulness of the clear-cut utility disc, the word “Swiss” would be a subtle nod to the Swiss Army Knife, a tool known for its practicality when needed most. If that’s not high-end, ultra-thoughtful messaging from a masterful marketing mind, I don’t know what is. 

I could teach a course.

3. ‘Pepto-Bismol’

No, this isn’t food …

But it goes in your mouth.

Be it after Thanksgiving dinner or immediately following a massive, Christmas-centric meal in late December, too much food leads to stomach problems and the nasal-passage discomfort of those seated too close to you. Fortunately, Pepto-Bismol has a way of settling things down.

With this name, the idea is that – after poorly hucking one too many “foodie” frisbees – should you start to feel a bit of a pit in your stomach, THIS is the disc you pull out to right the ship. It might not resurrect a downward-spiraling round, but it can immediately instill confidence.

Think KC Pro Roc.

But pink.

Always pink.

* Note: Sadly, the “Pepto-Bismol” name is a registered trademark of Procter & Gamble.

4. ‘Ranch Dressing’

This stuff goes good on anything:

• Pizza.
• Taco salad.
• Potato skins.
• Fried pickles.
• Chicken wings.

Why would a flight plate be any different?

Drench it.

Meow.

5. ‘Mashed Potatoes’

If you know ball golf, this’ll make sense …

And if you don’t, this still might make sense.

Back in 2011 at the Chevron World Challenge, die-hard golf fan Andrew Widmar wanted his mother to see him on television. So, immediately following a Tiger Woods drive, he screamed “Mashed potatoes!” at the top of his lungs. To date, fans continue to shout the random phrase.

Here’s the moment:

The commitment to the bit is brilliant.

I know disc golf is always looking for ways to distance itself from ball golf, so if opting for “Creamed corn!” or “Candied yams!” is seen as different enough, I’m cool with that, too.

* Honorable Mention: I like frozen “Fish Sticks,” so that’s the reason – I enjoy eating them.

Ad revenue is great. Affiliate commissions are awesome. And the more email subscribers, the merrier. That said, the ultimate success of Green Splatter would be Clash Discs accidentally reading this and choosing to run with one of the above when releasing a new frisbee mold.

I hope; I pray.

I’m also not holding my breath.

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