I’ve published this article under the “news” category on the blog, if you can believe it. Clearly, it’s not a perfect fit, but I didn’t know where else to file it away. It’s hardly a take of any kind. It’s not a game-boosting tip, either. And it’s certainly got nothing to do with disc golf gear.
Here’s another reason it feels weird to give this post the “news” label …
Tristan Tanner’s overhauled look isn’t anything new.
It just snuck up on me.
You’ve seen it time and time again. And at this point, for the better part of a year.
Here’s Tristan Tanner at the 2022 Worlds in Emporia:
And here’s Tristan Tanner 2.0 at the Open at Idlewild last season:
The man’s a shape-shifter.
The sudden change in appearance was first made public at the 2023 Las Vegas Challenge in Henderson when Tanner showed up looking like a young, back-alley member of Hells Angels.
Solved with little more than a Bic, the threat of a receding hairline had been neutralized by way of the cue-ball effect. Furthermore, his beard was visibly fuller, thicker and scarier-looking, too.
Helping round out the visual overhaul, there’s now never a moment in which Mr. Tanner’s not dressed to the nines in the tightest of form-fitting clothing: Pants, shorts and shirts – sleeves are optional, of course. Think hardcore Ezra Aderhold vibes, but with less Brodie Smith nearby. Seriously, at this point, there’s not much I don’t know about the contours of Tanner’s bum.
Therapy’s going well.
Thanks for asking.
Fashion is just ONE part of the transformation, though. Seemingly overnight, Tristan looks like the second coming of, well – Ezra Aderhold. The two of them film so many YouTube videos together, they’re starting to look the same: muscles on muscles. No joke, if ever there was a testimonial for the body-altering effects of a strict Disc Golf Strong regiment, it’d be this:
It appears the next entrant in the “Look Like Ezra” sweepstakes is Adam Hammes.
Remember: Protein isn’t merely a biomolecule – it’s a way of life.
All joking aside, Tristan looks great. As long as he’s happy, healthy and comfortable in his own skin, more power to him. Sadly, compared to what he’s working with, in terms of fashion and physique, I might as well be day-old roadkill. I’ve accepted my reality; I’m at peace with it.
Tanner kicks off the 2024 Disc Golf Pro Tour as one of Team DGA’s newest members. With 2023 a relatively quiet year for the man out of Longmont, he’ll be looking to mimic the success his 2022 campaign saw with a top-10 finish in Vegas, as well as a third-place podium at Worlds.
In the meantime, apologies for the TMZ-esque topic of this post.
At least it’s not as bad as this one.
Welcome to off-season writing.
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Editor’s Suggestions:
- Dear disc golfer, thanks for carrying a disc retriever
- Disc golf: Smashing a putt from the drop zone is underrated
- The most awkward, every-tournament moment in all of pro disc golf
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